Monday, November 11, 2013

The Diet Plan

I have lately been accused of being too thin and questioned whether I had a "problem." Brent and I were laughing over my "diet" plan and he suggested I share it. I know I already did this once, but I now have a more complete list. Here it is. The miracle diet.

1. Spend three weeks in a third world country. Breathe in the poverty. Consume things you shouldn't.
2. Come home with a parasite so bad that food crossing your lips is an invitation for your entire digestive tract to violently empty. For six. weeks.
3. Bring home a child at the same time who thinks your food is the epitome of evil and is certain you are trying to poison her. Food battles ensue that spike your adrenaline which takes away what little appetite you have.
4. Because you have not been able to eat or drink anything fun for six weeks, you no longer crave it, and besides, your digestive system still hates you. Large amounts of sugar causes a less extreme case of stage two. Since it is working in your favor and it is something in your life you CAN control, give up sugar.
5. Do couch to 5K with your daughter who wants to run one. The sense of power running gives you is indescribable. You have conquered something. 
6. Begin to question whether you have larger underlying issues. Give up gluten. Consume vast amounts of probiotics in an attempt to heal your gut.
7. Go on daily sunset walks with your husband because it gives you 30 minutes of peace at the end of a day of chaos.
8. Get tired of having back pain. Do lots of abdominal work nightly while watching three seasons of Heroes.
9. Run with your daughter to train her for cross country since she's discovered she wants to be powerful, too. Discover the added benefit of ab work: faster run times.
10. Once you decide that it is humanly impossible to have hypo- and hyper- thyroidism at the same time and your issue is really exhaustion and control, eat whatever crosses your path that sounds good.
11. Discover you don't really like it anymore.
12. Be annoying and eat clean.

Who thinks I should write a book? Best seller in the making.

2 comments:

Sara W said...

Wow. Not sure that's a diet I would sign up for. Hope you're enjoying the benefits...

Sara W said...

because it sounds like you've earned it.